The Gallery/Writing Workshop – Emotions: Death

June 30, 2010 at 7:21 pm | Posted in The Gallery, writing workshops | 7 Comments
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What a great idea, a Writing Workshop/Gallery medley, yum.

I’ve been thinking all day about what to write about, hence the late entry.  I’ve written regularly about bullying, trying for a second baby, bringing up a child and all that goes with it.  Time for a new challenge.

Emotions.  Death.

My first experience of death within my own generation came when I was 18 and at university.

I was out shopping with a friend and we got a call to say a friend from college had been killed in a drink driving accident.  By his best friend.  He was hit by the car while on foot.

The details were sketchy but we were stunned.  I didn’t feel overwhelming grief though, and inside felt a little odd about that.

We were in Bournemouth and returned to Oxford for the funeral.  I chose a single white lily from the florists and wrote a message.

Photograph taken as part of my art course at college.

We gathered at one friends house to travel together.  The mood was positive and upbeat.  It was a reunion in a way; everyone having gone their separate ways for university.  Again I felt strange that it wasn’t more sombre.

At the service we stood outside the church; too full with mourners to get inside, and listened on a loud speaker.  I tried to cry, but couldn’t manage more than a sniffle.  A boy next to me said ‘aah are you really upset?’.  I wondered how sincere his question was.  Once more I felt overshadowed with doubt over my grief.

We’d known each other for a year or so, we’d socialised every day at college, gone on nights out, trips to the Clothes Show.  But at the end of college we’d gone our separate ways and not stayed in touch.  I was struggling to accept a tragic accident, but also wondering why I wasn’t crying more.  It made me realise that a lot of people are attracted to grief – for attention.  I don’t want to offend anyone here – because I’m talking specifically about my situation.  Because this is what happened next.

Several years later I had a call from a friend saying there was an article about me and the death in a national magazine.  I dropped the phone.  My then boyfriend took over and found out the details.

I went and bought said magazine to find a double page spread with a true life story from the ‘friend’ I was with when we heard the news.  She sent my photos of him to the magazine as well.

She talked about how we hugged and sobbed when we heard.  It was a complete lie.

She had completely abused the whole situation.  I can’t remember many more of the details of the article.  I kept it for years but don’t seem to have it any more.  She talked about how they were inseparable which again was rubbish.

The emotion I felt now was anger.  Anger and sheer disbelief.

We all have different emotions attached to death.  I’ve lost elderly relatives, but really don’t know how I would cope if I lost someone close to me in age as well as in relationship.  For those who have experienced this, my sincerest thoughts go out to you.



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  1. A fantastic honest post. xx

    • Thanks hun, you’re my most loyal reader xx

  2. What an awful thing that so called friend did.
    Love your honesty. Everyone deals with death in a different way dont they. I know what you mean in your last paragraph as I have yet to deal with that happening too. I think it just makes you realise how lucky you are to still be here.
    Sorry waffled on a bit there.
    Enjoyed reading this – thank you 🙂

    • Thanks for the comments, it does make you grateful, I think now, as a mum myself it upsets me more to think what his parents must have gone through.

  3. One the things that angers me the most is people abusing loss of life in that way.
    We can’t mourn the loss of everyone who dies, it would be emotionally exhausting so I think we reserve the intense pain for those who were very close to us.

  4. Some people do this and usually because they are attention seekers and need to feel people comforting them which in turns make them feel important. It is very sad when they do this and really annoying to watch.
    A NCT friend lost her baby at 7 months and we were all very very sad, not only for what had happened to her but also just for the idea that it could have been any of us in her shoes… One of them went all drama queen on us it was ridiculous to watch, she never explained why, but even if it brought back some tough memories (for what she said) we were appalled to see how she was trying to steal the limelight… Sad truth but they exist everywhere these people…

  5. That’s awful, and made so much harder to deal with by your friend’s shocking behaviour. I lost a close friend a couple of years ago. This made me think of her. x

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