5 reasons I couldn’t be a pop star

August 11, 2010 at 7:59 pm | Posted in Daily Life | 9 Comments
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We all day-dream about being rich and famous (don’t we?!), but in reality could we cut it?

The celebrity lifestyle can seem pretty damn appealing – especially when you’ve spent the day running about like a mad woman trying to fit in ‘quality’ family time, housework, a job, the dinner, the bills (and the vegetables you’ve decided to grow in an ‘earth mother’ type moment).

I often day-dream about what I would spend a lottery win on, or how I’ll make my first million / go down in history. What would people say about me on Wikipedia?

Going back to the pop star theme though, there are five pretty major reasons why I couldn’t be a pop star.

Katy Perry Image courtesy of rtvchannel.tv

1. I can’t sing.  Pretty fundamental that, right?  I’d love to be able to carry a tune.  Husband asks me to refrain from joining in with nursery rhymes in the car.  I love a good round of one man and his dog though.  My parents have a v. embarrassing home movie of me and a friend making a pop video whilst riding in the back of my dads open top car.  We were called Caz and Raz and we wrote a song called ‘Into the blue’…the shame.

2. I could not, simply could not be put on a low carb, high energy type wierdy diet.  I need my food.  And I need carbs.  I have a distinct dislike for sushi and would not be willing to swap wine of any type for sparkling water with a hint of lemon.  I would be constantly hungry and crabby.

3. I hate my legs with a passion.  And all the good pop stars have great legs, and get them out at every opportunity.  I very, very rarely get my legs out.  They’re pasty white and not at all pretty.  I could have all the expensive and lovely treatments in the world – as well as fillers, botox, tucks and lifts, but nothing is going to get me long, luscious and bronzed legs.

4. I would get far too carried away with it all.  Within moments of hitting the top 40 I’d be drunk, being escorted out of a nightclub and on the pages of Heat with ladders in my fishnet tights.  I’d follow that by saying something ridiculously uneducated about religion, or politics or orphans and the nation would be horrified at my ignorance.  I would of course have had perfectly good intentions but would be taken in the wrong way in my eagerness to show an opinion.

5. I’d have regular and embarrassing accidents on TV.  Falling off the stage type accidents, or getting carried away with complicated dance routines and tripping myself or my backing dancers up.  By the way I should add that as well as being tone deaf, I have a complete lack of cordination (if you missed the Usher post, laugh at my body popping misfortune if you must).

I think that pretty much wraps it up.  So don’t expect me to be the next Katy Perry or Lady GaGa, ok.  I’ll go back to my potentially prize winning veg instead – maybe I’ll be the next celebrity housewife-slash-cook-slash-Anthea Turner type-slash-mummy makes things-type person….sure there’s room for another one of those.

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9 Comments »

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  1. 1. Who said you need to sing these days? And now we all REALLY REALLY REALLY want to see that home video 😀 hahaha

    2. Beth Ditto, Alison Moyet (before she lost the weight), Claire from Steps (now, not then)… I could go on.

    3. Someone would style you AND if you get shot upwards, from knee level or something, your legs would look long then 😉

    4. I shall be your non-famous mate who all the papers quote as “Catherine and friend” or “Security helps Catherine into a taxi” or “Here is Catherine, tired and emotional, with a very strange person in the background”

    5. LOADS of people fall off stages – in fact, it’s quite on-trend to fall off stage at the moment.

    • Ladies I’m not sure you realise the nature of what you are about to unleash!!
      Nickie, let’s start by practicing the night club exists shall we, that sounds like the best bit!
      Ellen, I would be a total Amy Whitehouse – a mini, red-headed ditsy version whos dad would definitely despair at her behaviour, although not sure he’d go as far as national TV, hopefully he’d just phone me up and say I needed to have a little word with myself.

  2. Excellent post – although all of your point have not held certain stars back.
    Point 1 – Posh Spice/ Bob Dylan
    Point 2 – Don’t suppose Mama Cass is a good example, how about Lily Allen?
    Point 3 – Adopt a long frock style – Florence and the Machine style. And Liz Hurley’s pins are famously chunky.
    Point 4 – Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse and of the Spices. It’s allowed if you’re a star.
    Point 5 – see point 4.

  3. How much to NOT put the video on You Tube???

    • I would have no friends!!!!!! Pleeassseeee, there is a particularly embarrassing part where I do a left to right arm wave and nearly knock the other girl out of the car!
      I would die!!!!!!

  4. I’m going to get in touch with your mum…

    • oh look at that… Hello Mrs Genie Snr. Lets talk videos 🙂

  5. This is a really funny post. Something to brighten up my day thank you. I think you would make a great popstar 😉 x

  6. […] Fashion, I want to be…, Ugly Betty, Vogue I recently declared the reasons I couldn’t be a pop star.  Don’t try to convince me – especially you Nickie, I can see an extremely […]


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