Just the two of us

May 9, 2011 at 7:30 pm | Posted in Daily Life | 9 Comments
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I met a really lovely girl recently, not someone I’d usually come into contact with and she gave me a little food for thought about relationships.

We were talking weddings and she said that she’d happily marry her partner on a beach in the middle of nowhere, just the two of them and the ocean waves rippling in the background.

Apart from thinking that I’d get too sweaty to enjoy myself, to me that said an awful lot.  That her relationship is just about them.  Not what other people think or want.  It wouldn’t be a day to show off and be the centre of attention or be showered with best wishes.  They’re truly, madly, deeply in love and all that would matter to her on her wedding day is the fact that they are soul mates.

Now, I on the other hand was at the local Nisa buying wedding magazines at 7am the morning after I got engaged.  I’d started a spreadsheet within a matter of hours and we’d set a date within two days.  Bridezilla was born.

I didn’t find the planning process stressful – I loved every moment of it.  I even wanted to become a wedding planner at one point.

For me it was all about a big white wedding – and I went for a huge meringue of a dress.  I wanted everyone to be there to see us take our vows.  And I wanted people to shed a tear.

We had dance lessons (admittedly I still had two left feet) and we took our places centre stage for the first dance to The Magic Numbers.

This was my moment.

So what does that say about our relationship?  I too believe that I met and married my soul mate.  We have our off days (days where I say things like ‘have you finished with that plate?!’ the moment he puts it down) but we have a solid marriage.

It did make me question though, would I be happy getting married on a beach, just the two of us?

I don’t think I could do it.  I might have to Facebook and Tweet every moment of the day so I felt like I had a virtual congregation.

I don’t really have a conclusion to draw – any grand and closing statement to make, but I do think it’s good to take a leaf from this girls book – she’s definitely got her priorities in life right.  Anyway, I have a good excuse, I’m only 5ft 1, there’s no way I’d get married barefoot….

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  1. What a fantastic post. I was a magazine buyer, internet wedding forum browser myself but couldn’t quite get the enthusiasm up enough to qualify for Bridezilla status 🙂
    We had a lovely day, about 80 guests, but as fond as my memories are of the “big day” it doesn’t in anyway define our marriage, every experience from that day does.

    Every girl (and guy) deserves the wedding of their dreams, be it jeans and tshirts, or hoops, and lace. If we renewed our vows, it would be somewhere like Rome or New Zealand or a pretty place in Scotland we love called Findhorn, it would be casual, and it would be fun 🙂

    • I’d love to renew my vows! Five years next year am determined to get back into my big dress!!

  2. This post made me smile, and I really loved your writing.

    When my husband and I decided to get married we started looking at overseas locations. We wanted something uncomplicated, even though I LOVE event planning. But between us we have 5 kids and we wanted them there because they are very much a part of our lives, so we had to find a place that would be right for them too. Then we looked at schedules and realised they couldn’t be away all at the same time.

    In the end we decided on a medium sized ‘white-ish’ wedding in the UK. And it was fabulous. And in the car on the way between ceremony and reception when we were at last alone my husband and I agreed that saying our vows in front of our close friends and family was really, really special. The relationship and wedding may have only been about us, but these people are a part of our lives and we loved having them there on our very important day.

    And I got to plan an event! 😉

    • It sounds like a perfect day! And five! I’m actually quite envious, sounds like you have a brill family! x

  3. I’m not married but if I did get married one day it would be on a beach with possibly two or three members of close family, and that’s in. Assuming the groom hadn’t spent years dreaming of a big church wedding. Stranger things haver happened and never say never. Lovely post, especially the bit about your own marriage. x

    • Maybe we should renew our vows with a handful of close friends on the beach… All expenses paid, now auditioning for the roles of maid of honour (no Pippa Middleton’s), best men and page boys. Would like a cartwheeler too…oh damn it’s got big already whoops

  4. excellent post. Our wedding was about us and not about the day the way I wanted it. We went to Gretna with immediate family and some close friends. There were about 30 including us. We got married by candlelight in the evening then went for dinner. It was my 30th birthday as well. It was perfect. We had a reception the next night back home. x

    • I love hearing about your wedding, it sounds totally perfect! x

  5. We’d considered going away and getting married on our own, on a beach. We’d have loved that, but with families being as they are we knew we’d never be forgiven for running away and getting married without telling them. So we did the next best thing. We booked the registry office and gave everyone three weeks notice.

    The thing with weddings is that everyone seems to think they’ve got a say. ‘You *have* to ask Aunty so-and-so!’ / ‘You can’t sit Uncle Y next to Great Aunt Y, they don’t get on!’ / ‘Can you put chicken on the menu, you know so-and-so can’t eat red meat’ / ‘Why have you chosen that colour for the bridesmaids?’ / ‘You *have* to have little so-and-so for a page boy’ / ‘Oh, you’re not having specially made place cards? Well that’s not right’ ETC ETC ETC. Argh! We couldn’t stand the impending hassle / questions / problems / stress.

    We told everyone when the wedding was, but we didn’t care (or mind) if they could come or not. The two most important people would be there. Us. We were making a vow of commitment to each other. Not to Great Aunt so-and-so who I hadn’t seen since I was seven.

    I dashed out and bought a dress and jacket in the sales to wear. A meringue was the last thing I wanted. DH bought a new tie, and wore one of his smart suits. We found some lovely platinum wedding rings at a local jewellers, and my sister made a small flower posy for me to carry. We went to the local country pub near to where we lived after the ceremony and they laid on a light buffet for us and our friends and family. It was very low-key – and just what we wanted.

    We’d booked into the honeymoon suite of a local hotel for the night. As it was Valentine’s weekend, they were holding a Valentines disco and Abba tribute act – perfect! So that was our ‘reception’. The relatives that *did* want to come booked themselves into the hotel and joined us for a meal before heading to the disco. The friends and relatives who wanted to stay paid for their own hotel and meals. And the whole thing cost about £1000.

    We cared so much for each other that if no one else was there *it wouldn’t have mattered*. Fifteen years later, we’re still together, we have a very strong and happy relationship and we’re still as much in love.

    I’ve seen couples spend months of stress and hassle sorting out their weddings, spending *thousands* of pounds on that ONE special day. A couple of years later, they’ve split up. And are probably still paying off the inflated cost of the specially made bloody place cards.


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