You just don’t get me mummy

October 4, 2011 at 8:03 am | Posted in Daily Life | Leave a comment
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Sometimes mummy I just don’t think you get me.

I may only be three (and two months) but I do wonder what you must think sometimes. Your responses to my questions can sometimes be baffling. Other times I wonder whether you’ve listened to me at all.

I’ve given the situation some thought and I feel that these guidelines might help. A set of handy hints and tips if you will. You’re a brill mummy, don’t get me wrong, but there’s always room for improvement. After all, I am your first so we’re on a steep learning curve. Together.

Here we go then. And remember, constructive criticism is friendly criticism.

1. I don’t cry for no reason. It might be annoying, especially in the library or at the checkout, but it means something isn’t quite right and should be investigated. I suggest a routine check of wet pants, finger stuck in something and empty tummy in that order of priority.

2. If you make a promise of the confectionary variety and deviate from your side of the bargain, there will be consequences. I can tell the difference between ‘you can have the Haribo after school’ and ‘if you be a good boy and get in the car you can have some Haribo’. I know that in the latter scenario you more than likely do not have Haribo in your possession and it is just an evil ploy. I do remember these things and I do pay you back. Muaw ha ha.

3. If I ignore you despite numerous attempts to capture my attention, it’s because I am doing something more important. And don’t say it’s not acceptable; how often do I plead ‘mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy look a digger’ for you to only turn around after it’s been and gone because you’re busy on your iPhone. And yes I know what it’s called, what three year old in their right mind wouldnt demand access to one in their terms and conditions?

4. The reason I don’t tell you the names of all of my friends at pre-school is because I don’t think you will approve of some of them. But bloomin’ eck, they are seriously good fun. I want to be one when I grow up. I shall call them the blue carpet kids.

5. Bedtimes, this is a confusing matter. More often than not I have to go to bed at 7pm on the dot, even if I have been to bed already yesterday. And more often than not I comply. I even say ‘you go mummy, you go and make daddy’s dinner now’. However, every now and again, when daddy is working late, you let me stay up with you on the sofa for mummy cuddles. Which is ace. And I don’t go in my bed until 8 o’clock! Therefore, you must accept that if I am a little grouchy the next day, you only have yourself to blame. And I know you keep me up because you miss daddy. I’m a good X Factor companion aren’t I?

So, maybe this sheds some light on things for you mummy. I hope so because I like you a lot and I like it when we me and you go on adventures together. My feeling is that if I continue to share these little gems with you, life will be a little easier for you. I aim to please mummy.

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